Saturday, September 03, 2005

Early in the morning...

This laptop is getting slower and slower. The reason: I installed so many programmes. Even AutoCAD; I'm sure I'll never use it, but my big bro demanded it to be installed, in case he wants to use my computer. Hah! very unlikely. I'm getting paranoid of installing so many things after the house's pc crashed so many times. My laptop is not really slow, but slower than when I used it for the first time. DUH. I'm just a little bit afraid. Haha. Anyway, it is still decently fast. Paranoid me...

I realized that I've kinda left the 'IT' world. I'm afraid I've forgotten most of html and photoshop. Not only that, I haven't draw a decent drawing for a very very long time. Presently, I just scribble and scribble. Haaaa.. this blog needs new face. Poor bloggy. I don't know when I will be able to really 'come back'. My programme's schedule is really packed; I've written about it before.

Oh yea, I forgot. Now I'm at home. Enjoying my last day of holiday. Actually I got a week break, but for all week I didn't have the right mood or maybe forgot or pretended to forget to blog. Sorry. Not that anyone will care. *cry*. I don't want to go back to Uni. My TOEFL is on this Wednesday. I'm not well-prepared. But after all the exercises I've done in classes, I think I can receive decent marks for it. Haven't I told you, I've successfully written 2 band 5 essays! (out of band 6) I'm so happy I'm improving.

Did my english improve, at all?? I cannot tell. Heh. maybe not. At least when I write essays, I'm careful not to make any mistakes. But not when I blog.

I don't know, I think I've changed. Or maybe this is my real self. I don't know. Do I have to admit that I'm still not used to this surrounding? that I miss the 'old' surrounding better? I don't know. When I was in high school, I was so distressed that I didn't want to stay there any longer... but...*sigh~

Maybe I just miss my friends. They all are different. Very different.

Nowadays, if I want to have a good cry, I'll watch Windstruck. It will trigger my tears to come out. Haha. It really works. Try it! Good thing I have this laptop. I can watch it whenever I feel like watching it.

Hmm, I really have to 'create' new dreams. No more computer engineer, no more 'house-wife-after-graduate'. No more stay /getting married/ let my kids grow overseas. No more director/script writer. No more everything that I dreamt of before. I don't regret this. Just.. I need something new.

I believe Allah has planned this for me, for He knows me best. I accept this as fate and I'll work hard to achieve success in anything I do.

Did I ever write about how I really want to create a touching movie? better than Windstruck. better than Girl,Interrupted, better than A Beautiful Mind, better than A Moment To Remember, better than A Walk to Remember, better than any other touching movies available. At least write about it.. a novel maybe. But I don't have the talent. I always imagine certain scenes in my mind, but can never put them together into words. But I will try..

This post is getting really random and unfocused. But I enjoy typing it. Sorry. I just feel like blurt everything out. I feel something trapped.

I've done things that I shouldn't have done. Guilty.

I've kept too many feeling, too many thinking to myself, many people don't realize that. I can act well,.. I never knew that until I noticed my friend didn't realize I hated her so much. I can hide when I am in pain, except migraine and pms. Haha.

Oh, I realized.. it's 1.42 am! hence the randomness. I am tired maybe. Haha. Perhaps I should stop... afraid of revealing too much! aiya!!

Mai out..

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