Thursday, May 04, 2006

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone.. in case people wonder where have I gone..
I've started a new blog, long ago.
Because I wanted to start anew...
But I like this blog. I sounded so cheerful and happy. I like the cheerful and happy me.

Anyway.. for my current blog, please visit

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish


Last night I turned in to bed quite early; 10.05 pm. I woke up at 1.28 am sweating and crying. I dreamed of the end of this world, the Qiamat. It was so scary. So real. I felt like dying. The sky was very clear, so blue, in that dream. Somehow someone pointed out that the sun had risen from the west. And then something happened, I couldn't remember. What I didn't forget is how I woke up with a start, then I cried. And then I turned on the radio, someone was reciting the Holy Quran, so soothing and peaceful that it put me to bed.

This was not the first time I dreamed something similar to that. There was this one time I had a nightmare that I was sentenced to death. I was going to be hanged. It was so real. I thought it was true. But I think I'm glad I have all these dreams. They keep me sane. I mean, as a muslim, these dreams made me realize who I am, I cannot be arrogant for I have no power nor control on my life. Anytime, anywhere, Allah can call me back.. then I die.

Anyway, I am still alive. Alhamdulillah. The Qiamat hasn't arrived yet. Life has to go on..
Two weeks ago I sit for the TOEFL. I haven't received the official score yet, but my range is 227 to 270. (out of 300) .Not bad. Not bad at all. The seniors said don't even think about repeating it. But there are so many who gets more than me. I was a bit dissapointed, but I believe I've tried my best.

Swimming lesson has getting more interesting now that I've grasp the basic of swimming. I can do freestyle and the whip kick one now... and many types of floating. This evening I'll go practice with my friends. I've never imagine myself swimming before. I'm glad I have this opportunity.

Classes are getting more boring but at the same time, fun! Although there are a lot of homework and the schedule is packed, but I can still tolerate to those. No pressure. This programme suits me. It's different from matriculation. Way different. I'm glad I 'cabut' matriculation.

SAT is just 3 weeks away. There are sets of words to be memorize. The vocabulary list is full with bombastic words. I'm afraid I may not remember them all. At least I try.

Fine, I don't know what else to say.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Early in the morning...

This laptop is getting slower and slower. The reason: I installed so many programmes. Even AutoCAD; I'm sure I'll never use it, but my big bro demanded it to be installed, in case he wants to use my computer. Hah! very unlikely. I'm getting paranoid of installing so many things after the house's pc crashed so many times. My laptop is not really slow, but slower than when I used it for the first time. DUH. I'm just a little bit afraid. Haha. Anyway, it is still decently fast. Paranoid me...

I realized that I've kinda left the 'IT' world. I'm afraid I've forgotten most of html and photoshop. Not only that, I haven't draw a decent drawing for a very very long time. Presently, I just scribble and scribble. Haaaa.. this blog needs new face. Poor bloggy. I don't know when I will be able to really 'come back'. My programme's schedule is really packed; I've written about it before.

Oh yea, I forgot. Now I'm at home. Enjoying my last day of holiday. Actually I got a week break, but for all week I didn't have the right mood or maybe forgot or pretended to forget to blog. Sorry. Not that anyone will care. *cry*. I don't want to go back to Uni. My TOEFL is on this Wednesday. I'm not well-prepared. But after all the exercises I've done in classes, I think I can receive decent marks for it. Haven't I told you, I've successfully written 2 band 5 essays! (out of band 6) I'm so happy I'm improving.

Did my english improve, at all?? I cannot tell. Heh. maybe not. At least when I write essays, I'm careful not to make any mistakes. But not when I blog.

I don't know, I think I've changed. Or maybe this is my real self. I don't know. Do I have to admit that I'm still not used to this surrounding? that I miss the 'old' surrounding better? I don't know. When I was in high school, I was so distressed that I didn't want to stay there any longer... but...*sigh~

Maybe I just miss my friends. They all are different. Very different.

Nowadays, if I want to have a good cry, I'll watch Windstruck. It will trigger my tears to come out. Haha. It really works. Try it! Good thing I have this laptop. I can watch it whenever I feel like watching it.

Hmm, I really have to 'create' new dreams. No more computer engineer, no more 'house-wife-after-graduate'. No more stay /getting married/ let my kids grow overseas. No more director/script writer. No more everything that I dreamt of before. I don't regret this. Just.. I need something new.

I believe Allah has planned this for me, for He knows me best. I accept this as fate and I'll work hard to achieve success in anything I do.

Did I ever write about how I really want to create a touching movie? better than Windstruck. better than Girl,Interrupted, better than A Beautiful Mind, better than A Moment To Remember, better than A Walk to Remember, better than any other touching movies available. At least write about it.. a novel maybe. But I don't have the talent. I always imagine certain scenes in my mind, but can never put them together into words. But I will try..

This post is getting really random and unfocused. But I enjoy typing it. Sorry. I just feel like blurt everything out. I feel something trapped.

I've done things that I shouldn't have done. Guilty.

I've kept too many feeling, too many thinking to myself, many people don't realize that. I can act well,.. I never knew that until I noticed my friend didn't realize I hated her so much. I can hide when I am in pain, except migraine and pms. Haha.

Oh, I realized.. it's 1.42 am! hence the randomness. I am tired maybe. Haha. Perhaps I should stop... afraid of revealing too much! aiya!!

Mai out..

Saturday, August 13, 2005


Assalamualaikum.. Good Day everyone!

The haze was so bad days earlier that the University granted us 'a break'. Woohooo! I am at home right now. Lucky there's no haze what so ever in Johor. I felt so relieved when I reached JB 2 nights ago.. All I smelt in Uniten was smoke! My clothes were ruined by it.. geez..

I am so happy to be home again. I really need a break. The schedule is just too hectic. I bring along my homework and assignment.. hopefully I'm hardworking enough to do all of them. In fact, I'm doing research for my assignment right now. Huhu... Just started actually.. after 2 days. LOL. And tomorrow I have to go back to Uni again.I heard the API has decreased... So MALAS.

The great news is, my dad has bought me a brand new laptop. Acer TravelMate. And epson printer. I am sooo happy! the computer is superb. With 1.73 GHz Intel whatever processor, 512 RAM, 60 GB hard disk space, WiFi, bluetooth, 6 in 1 card reader slot, DVD-CDRW combo, Windows XP.. and many many more. It's actually RM 3699 (quite a bargain for a decent laptop,eh?), but because I'm a student, I got RM 300 rebate. It's a bit bulky, with 15" monitor, but I don't mind because I won't bring it with me everywhere I go... Now I can do my assignment and do whatever I want in peace.

I went to KIPMART just now, a shopping 'market'.. just to buy some DVDs. Heh. My older sis (who is also on holiday because of the haze) and I bought 7 DVDs! Great. Dunno when I will have the time to watch all of them. I'll bring some of them to uni for sure.

Actually, my mid-semester break is on the 28th August till 4th September. After the holiday, (7th Sept) I'll sit for my computer-based TOEFL (Test of English as Foreign Language). This is one of the requirements to enter overseas universities. It consists 4 parts; Listening, Reading, Structure & Writing. It was hard for me to concentrate in the listening pre-test. Especially in the 'Long Conversation/Lectures' section. Some of my friends consider that section as lullaby. It is! The writing is hard too.. because we only have 30 minutes to write a perfect essay. Impossible for me. Nyeh nyeh. I'm underestimating myself. Out of 6 (the full mark), I always got 4 to 4.5.. never 5!! I'm so frustrated. The minimum requirement for universities worldwide is 4.5. I need to do better than that. Come to think of it, for SPM, we had an hour to do an essay.. even that wasn't enough for me..!!

Our preparatory programme coordinator asked us to start researching for universities. We can choose 4 australian/new zealand universities. I'm clueless about all these. I've done a bit research but it's hard to shortlist all the prestigious universities to just 4.. My parents want me to go to Australia. But I'm quite unconfident about it. It is harder to obtain a place in Australian universities compared to New Zealand's. But I want to go to Australia too. For now, what I have in mind are..
-Uni of Melbourne
-Australian National Uni
-Uni of Auckland (NZ)
-Massey Uni (NZ)
But my dad insisted I put 3 australian unis... hmm..later lah!

Oh! I nearly forget to mention this.. but.. MY MUM IS PREGNANT! Just a month or so.. I'm so super excited! I hope the baby is healthy and my mum is healty.. I'm quite afraid because just last year my mum had 2 miscarriages. We all really want this baby. Pray for my mum too!

I've got to go, today's my 8th siblings birthday. The 'party' is about to start. And I'm still in front of the computer!!! bye for now!!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

Hello again!
What can I write? Yups.. I'm still at UNITEN..

Oh, Harry Potter and the half-blood Price will be released on this Saturday!!

My older sister, Hasanah, will further her study in Egypt and she'll go this Saturday too. My dad will fetch me at Uni this sat morning, and we'll go to kinokuniya to buy harry potter. My sis's flight is at 7.00 pm.

I feel like a handicapped. It has been a very long time since I last blogged. Not really, but still... my blogging skill has decreased day to day... huhu..

Mixed feelings... again! I feel sad.. I feel happy.

Actually I am very very happy to be here. This uni is superb. The facilities are great. My friends are all so supportive!

I don't know why I feel sad. Maybe because I miss all my friends back at school...

I want to go home!..

My preparatory programme here is so packed... class is from 8 till 7! It is compulsory to us to take swimming class... I am excited.. I've always want to learn swimming...

oh.. I feel so messed up... my words are all messed up.. I hate this situation.. I don't even understand myself.. I feel like crying..

Oh,, I think I should stop.. I've gone 'mad'.. crazy... feeling stupid.. typing rubbish.. hoho.. so bye for now..

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

I'm so sorry. Haven't written anything for more than a month.

Now I'm experiencing a whole new life. And it is sure interesting that I don't even have time to blog. Haha. Just kidding. I miss blogging. While I was at the matriculation, it was hard to log in to the internet. There was a cyber cafe, but it was limited for half and hour per student. There was a computer room under each hostel's block. But it only opened at night and I was too lazy to go down 3 floors just to get there. My room was in the 3rd floor.

So noticed the past tense used in the last paragraph? Oh yeah.. my matriculation life is over.

Now I'm in UNITEN. Oh yeah, the big news is, I got the ministry of education's scholarship. And I'm doing a preparatory programme there. I'll be taking SAT not A level.

It has been a week since I registered. And now I'm home again. Hehe.. have to go back this evening.

I'm not feeling well right now. So, can't write much. Till we 'meet' again.. bye!

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

Hello..Hello.. Hello! (mimicking Count Olaf because I'm still in the 'lemony snicket' mood after read the first 3 books in 2 days, not that they were so interesting I couldn't put them down, it is just, the fonts are big and the story wasn't so heavy. But I prefer Harry Potter).

Today is my last day here at my house. This evening my parents and I will go to my dad's hometown because my matriculation college situated near there. And tomorrow I'll register at the college!

Sorry I hadn't update my blog for quite a while. No, I wasn't so busy despite of all the preparations I had to do, and the classes I had to attend, and school's and friends' stuff. You know, we hanged out nearly everyday together because we didn't want to part. But those weren't my ultimate reasons why I didn't blog. The reason was, my internet had some problems and now it's fixed!

But unfortunately it's fixed on my last day here... and I'm so afraid I can't update my blog as frequent as I did before. And that wasn't so frequent! Oh, I'm gonna miss my blog, and my photoshop, and my folder here, and my e-mails, and this computer! I can't imagine how will I live without this computer. Life will be boring.

I will rejuvenated (haha) my old hobby, that is reading! I've packed tons of books for my survival. But I didn't pack any of the harry potter books because my favourite one is now with my friend.

This is my first time living in a hostel. I was so excited, buying all the needed and unnecessary stuffs. LOL. And honestly, I don't know how to manually wash the clothes. I will just hentam I said to my mum. Oh, wish me luck for that.

I hope I will succeed in obtaining a scholarship from the ministry f education (remember, the interview I had to go). I don't want to stuck there in the matrics all year long. I want to go overaseas! But if I didn't succeed, I'll be okay.. after I finish matriculation, I'll further my study at Technology University of Malaysia or UTM situated just 15 mins away from my home sweet home!!

Oh, I got to go. There's still many things to be packed. Wish me luck and I wish u all luck too!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

It seems nowadays I lack ideas to write. To tell the truth, I've actually written 2 or 3 times and ACTUALLY deleted the posts. Because I didn't like how they turned out. I need refreshment.. huhu.

Well, after 2 times of frustration in applying overseas courses (Petronas and MARA), finally today I got this interview calling, from Teacher Education Team or something of Ministry of Education (Bahagian Pendidikan Guru if in malay).

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I hope I'll do well in the interview.. just wish me luck everyone!

Some other things happened this week, last week and a week before that...
- (22nd - 24th April) I went to Kluang, Johor,.., and climbed mount Lambak. Although it wasn't that high (just 500 metres or something), I was so tired, my legs were shaking like mad when I finally reached the peak. So painful!. Imagine, there was no rest, the mount was so steep! so you have to continue climbing no matter what. By the time I reached back the bottom of the mount, I couldn't walk properly. The next day, my body was aching all over!

-(17th April) My former school had this 10 years celebration and Award-giving ceremony. I walked on stage just once to receive my 10A's thropy.. huhu. My mom said I walked too slow. Haha. I had to! that day I wore high heels. So it would make some annoying tuk-tak-tuk sound when it touch the stage's surface.. so I had to walk slowly to decrease the volume. Haha.

-(20th April) Well, as always :p, I drove the car to my college. On this day, when I was going to go reverse and drove out from my parking lot, I hit a truck that wasn't move. I didn't realized the truck was there and couldn't see it from my mirrors... fortunately the crash wasn't serious. But I was shaking like mad when I drove back home! my first experience, hitting other vehicles!

Well, now I'm in a korean-movies mood. I've been watching and buying and downloading many korean movies! Now my favourite is Windstruck. Actually I've watched it for more than 3 times! I am fascinated on how korean movies are made.. they're beautifully written! Every movie is different (well.. their dramas are typical, but not the movies)..unlike Malay's movies.. so typical.

I still couldn't find the right time and mood to start drawing. Again, HOW I MISS IT!!

Monday, April 11, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

I just checked the matriculation placement result. Oh, I'm having headache. Why? Because I checked every single name of my batch, using SPM's numbers.. (whatever you call it.. huhu).

So, I got a place at Johor Matriculation College. I've been expecting this. But, many of my friends got far places, like Pahang, Kedah, Pulau Pinang and even Perlis! And unfortunately, about 13 of my friends didn't get a place. Strangely, even for my friends who got 7A's, and 6A;s.. and 4A's...

I may not be going there. Because I don't want to. I want to wait for the university placement. But my dad asked me to, as a precaution. for safety.. heh. And sadly, I just found out I didn't get the Petronas's Scholarship. I was frustrated (still am) .Very very. But when I heard even my 12A's friend didn't get it, I feel a bit okay, lah. But our former head student, who got 9A's.. got it! Uh, maybe they want the leadership skills.

Okay, enough about that.

You know what? I am attending computer course now. Every Monday -Thursday, 9 am -12.30 pm. Oh, how I love this course. I learn a lot of new things. This course took 3 months.. so I'm not very sure wether I'll be able to finish it or not. But I don't really mind about the certificate (if we finish this course, we'll have a certificate.. and can gain money from it..from our skills), the knowledge I received is priceless.

Today I learned how to install the computer components.. the ram, the motherboard, the vga, the hard disc.. and everything! the instructor gave me all the components, separately, and I have to build the computer. So now I know what are inside the casing (I just been informed that cpu is a very tiny chip-like thing.. not the whole casing thing..if you know what I mean. heh) by heart. LOL.

This headache is getting worse. So... bye

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

10 days without updates. *Laugh*. I don't have any strong reasons, sorry to say. Just didn't have the right mood I guess. So, many things happened in 10 days.

First, I was busy 'managing' my batch's picnic (kinda). We went to Tanjung Balau, Kota Tinggi. Yup, a beach! But sadly, our teacher decided not to permit us to swim! or even touch the water. (but of course we did touch the water, some of my friend 'soaked' their legs).

Despite all that, we did have a very enjoyable time! I loved this picnic so much. All stress were gone. (I was so stressed up planning the picnic,, with just a couple of people 'really' helping and cooperating). It was held 2 days and a night. We booked 4 chalets with 10 beds in each of it. The chalets are so comfortable, with air-cond's and tv's! Yup, the number of people coming was just 34 or 35. Half of our 'batchers'. But that didn't hold us back and stop enjoying our leisure time.

What else we did there? We had barbeque at night. The boys were incharge in 'barbequing' all the chickens that the girls had prepared. (specifically only 2 of my friends and I prepared the chickens, at our houses). Yummy! We had a couple of 'tazkirah' delivered by our beloved teacher, Ustazah Suhana. In the morning before we got back, we played netball. So much fun! We also had 'say anything you want to say' session. It was of course touching.. of course, we all are going to part. So sad. Heard loads of "I love you guys so much".. "do remember me"... "do another picnic/reunion" ... "I'll miss you all a lot".. "Friends Forever!!!" ..

I didn't took much photos.. some of them are posted below:..

This was taken before we played the netball.. you can see a bit of our self-made court. Everyone seemed in awe, looking at the scenery.

My teacher's son. So cute. So shy. He closed his eyes whenever he felt too shy. Arr.. so cute! btw, he's 3 or 4.

Some of my friends at the jetty.

Some of my friends attended the picnic.


That's all for picnic's thing.

As soon as I got back from the picnic, my friend told me to by Harian Metro (a local newspaper). So I did.. and at page 9 I found this 'advertisment' .. ^_^

Look for my name! This is for my school.Altogether there are 61 candidates. Half of them gained 6 A's and above! oh, I'm so proud of my friends and my school and my teachers! (harian metro, 25th March 2005)

This thursday, our parents will conduct a thank you party/feast for the teachers.

Last weekend also, I went to a motivational programme, similar to the one I attended before, and yes again as a faci. It went well. And so tiring.

This afternoon, my mum, and sis and I went to a shopping complex. I bought a new shoes! yay. And 4 kain to make baju kurung. Can you imagine? 4!!! haha... I felt guilty at first, I asked my mum countless of time "can I buy this much, ma? can I? " my mum just nodded, said it was okay because I'm about to enter university. And also I bought one jubah seluar too.. hehe...

This evening my sis and I had usrah ar school. My sis drove our Trajet. I want to drive.. but my family hasn't trusted me yet. My abah said I have to practise inside the neighbourhood first. Until I become an expert. Haha.. Okay, I will.. I will practise.. till everyone will trust me!

That's a wrap!!