Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Back to work tomorrow. Oh, how I dread it. How I wish I didn't apply for the job in the first place. How lazy I am to go into all the classes especially Year 2.
Nevertheless, I admit that this job has given me countless of precious experiences. I don't want to regret it. I'll never regret it, Insya-Allah.

But, I can't wait for 2nd March, when my job's contract(haha!) ends. I'll have about a month before I go to the matriculation, I think. But I don't want to go to the matric.. I want to study overseas, remember? well, keep on dreaming! heh.. Please pray for my success.

Nowadays I always have a good dreams that symbolize success (I'm not sure, but my mum said so..) like climbing the stairs, surviving the tsunami (2 times!!), giving (don't laugh) birth to a duplet twin! and they are so cute and chubby! I don't remember I had any scary dreams nowadays. Hope they all are really the sign, not just pointless dreams..

I have to admit I'm really scared to receive the result. So much 'what if..' running through my mind now and then. I'm paranoid.

Okay, enough.
InsyaAllah I'll have the QTI test this Friday or Saturday and then the JPJ test on Thursday(3rd Feb). So, want it or not, I have to skip work on that Thursday because the test can only be held on Thursday. I haven't discussed it with the headmistress yet. I will, when I start my work again tomorrow. Well, the headmistress is my good friend's mum. Maybe she'll let me off easily. Hopefully! And anyway, please wish me luck for the test because I don't want to retake it again and again.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwis

Plenty of good news.
1. I've received my first payment ever! RM 500! hee, I don't know what to do with the money. Just keep it I guess. My siblings are always begging me to buy something for them, but I just ignored it. Well, there are 9 of them! what do you expect me to do? haha.. I'm not that rich yet... But I've given my mum 1/5 of it. Just as present, my first payment :). It's not much either. But other than that, the money is still untouched. I received it on the 19th by the way.

2. It's holiday! for 5 days! heh, well, 3 days have passed, but still, I'm glad it's holiday. I guess I'll have enough break before continue to work again. It's Eiduladha. So we went back to Kampung (my dad's hometown). Well, it was kinda boring. Not as good as EidulFitri. Not every relatives of mine came back.. no friend, nothing to do except eat and sleep. So I ate and slept all the time. Haha..

3. Had driving class this afternoon and felt good about it. I can drive calmly now! and like a pro.. haha.. yeah rite. The good news is, the instructor always made me flattered by her words.. always said that I'm good and a fast learner.. haha.. so tomorrow I'll have another class... I've got the 'L' license already :)

4. I might be having a mp3 player.. just around the corner.. yay. Have been wishing for it for a long time.. but I didn't care to much about it... digital camera is my priority.. but too expensive I guess (the one I like is about RM 2000... better buy a new pc)

5. I got to eat lamb chop that I had been longing for a very very long time... very very yummy! I had a victory feeling when eating it! I felt good..!

That's all for now, I guess.. haha.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Quiet Wishes: Mai K Derwish

One of my fellow teacher just told me that pupils in year 5 UAF (Uthman Affan) told her that I'm the best teacher they got this year. No, not 'best' as in teaching technics.. but best in ..um..how good I'm with them, how 'baik'...how soft

No, this is not a good news! I've tried to be as fierce as possible but they still don't mind eh? How fierce should I be? They still don't listen to me. Still very very noisy and naughty. Oh well, maybe it's in my 'nature' already. I can't be so fierce... but how can I control them? It's boring to go into their class everyday. Looking at their naughty and stubborn faces. STRESS. Maybe I will just ignore them and only teach those who really really want to learn. Oh, if only I could do that.

uh, I lack ideas to write nowadays. Lack insprations... maybe because of my tiredness... I need to rest now.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


These were my dad's books. He gave them to me so that I can learn painting. But I didn't show any sign of enthusiasm to learn it. But I will! in the near future... photo by me
At least my headache has decreased. Though the pupils didn't show any sign wanting to decrease their voice volume, or even their activeness. I have to be patient. Real patient. I have decided not to be a primary teacher in the future. I'll consider being a high school teacher, though. I've always wanted to help my school.

Really. I don't know what else to write about. Really. Nowadays, my life is boring. More boring than being a student. More relax, though. But, nothing truly interesting worth to be told. I don't want to admit it, but I'm kinda looking forward for the SPM result. Of course I'll freaked out... I think... I'm totally bored. The result will make my day interesting. Haha, this is called positive thinking. Haha. Okay, just pray, I know... God will help me.
.
Hmm... considering my lack of ideas to write, I'll stop.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Having headache.. again.
Maybe I have migraine. Haha. It's in my gene already.
I am so wanting my pupils to like my class, pay attention to my lectures. So, to attract them, I've bought lots of stickers and stamps (or chops as my sisters call it). These are especially for the year 2 students who are very very noisy and naughty.

... my friend said when I was teaching in year 1 which is in a block beside teacher's lounge (a minute walk), my voice was so loud that she could hear it. And I'm embarrased . Hah! who cares.

Almost every friend of mine has a work now. And most of them involved themselves ..um.. with school. Actually 3 of my friends become my fellow teachers here. And 3 of my friends are becoming a kindergarden teachers (just nearby). And two of my friends are computer lab's assistants , here. One of my friend work with the school canteen, and another one work in the school's coop. I have two friends who are working in a factory! I was surprised. in night shift too! hmm.. a friend in a bookstore.. 3 friends in marrybrown(sp?) which is actually owned by one of them (well, his father to be exact). Hmm.. I'm glad they are not wasting their time.

And all of us are now crazy (um, not really) to take the driving license. I can drive now! though I don't have the license yet. It sure is tiring. And I'm very glad I got a female instructor instead of male. All my female friends got male instructors. Lucky me.

So, my batch has to do the school's magazine (year book). I'm incharge in the graphic stuffs. go me.

There are so many things to do.. teacher's stuff, Kelab Remaja JIM 's (a club i'm in.. ) stuff, alumni's stuff, 6th batch's stuff, tarbiyah's stuff, ...personal stuff,.. wow, it's quite hard to be a VVIP, eh? muahaha.. ...I'm tired. But I can do it!

Last night I had a dream. I'm not sure it was a nightmare or not... I dreamt of tsunami.. and I ran away from it, I climbed a hotel's stairs.. climbed, and climbed with all my might, so tiring.. ran and ran.. ran from the water...and the water kept on catching up with me.. it was so scary. At last I managed to ran to the highest level.. and I survived. It was so really scary. It was hard to climb that stair because with the water so fast.. and my legs was in it when I climbed (if you can imagine it...).. it was really hard. I thought I was gonna die. And I was running alone. But the hotel was so beautiful. With some sort of unique blue on the wall. hmm, I'm not even sure if that was a hotel or not.. there was no room. Just stairs.. and the highest floor on the top. Weird.

Btw, I told my mum about it. She said when you dream of climbing a stair.. it means you're going to succeed. Hope she is right. Oh God, help me with my result.

We got the UPU's form already. A form to apply for the universities/colleges. I want to choose a 'Sarjana Muda Matematik dan Diploma Pendidikan'. Or maybe Physics... yeah, I want to be a teacher. A secondary school teacher. Or maybe lecturer.. hmm. There goes my dreams... of becoming an architect.. or engineer. Well, actually I really don't know... I'm clueless. I just performed an 'Istikharah' prayer. Hope Allah gives me a sign.
... because I still love my many dreams... and I'm afraid I'll end up choosing something else! I have many things/field that I like.. but if I can't gain any of them... it's shameful.

ahh... long post. Have to end it with a DOT.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Phew.. second day of school went quite okay.
(well, sort of... at least I managed to went into all my classes)
Being a teacher isn't as easy as I thought. I ended up having headache everyday!
There is a story about a very very hyperactive and naughty boy. I teach him english. He didn;t want to sit at all. He went to his friend's tables and ran around. He didn't do the work I gave. When I scolded him, he was kinda taken aback and sat at his table quitely... I asked him to take out an exercise book and copy down the sentences on the white board. He took it out with his pencil. I thought he was gonna write those down, so I went to others, checking their mistakes and all. When the class near to end, I went back to him just to find out that he didn't write a thing, not at all. He just scribbled and scribbled on his exercise book. I was so mad.. but the time was up.. so I couldn't do anything. Such a trouble-maker.
It's so hard to make the boys quite. You have to reward them or warn them about something terrible to quite them all. Ah, headache!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

It's new year. I don't feel any different.
I don't want to write much.. don't have the mood.
I'm still alive.
.... still alive

... have you ever wondered how it feels living with someone you hate. You thought you'll never meet again, but when something happened, bam! you are stuck with that someone... for a very long time too... I know how it feels.. I'm feeling it... it's sickening. Very very sickening.

I don't understand myself. Never did... I shouldn't be bothered by this matter. I have other things to be worried of.. hello! wake up! the world is about to destroy! ... but then again as I already said, I never understand myself.

... When do you keep secrets, and when do you tell lies? ... and when do you tell your secrets?
the right time seems never exist.

The death toll has reached 150,000. I feel sad. Very sad.