Have faith!

I felt like a dumb when I was answering add math's question yesterday. I guess I need more practices. I need to do topical practices ... a lot! don't worry, I can do it.
I have physic tuition at 2 o'clock. Before that I'll come to my friend's house...
Notice I don't have any other tuition other than chemistry and physic? It doesn't mean I've mastered other subjects. It's just other subjects are still okay for me (well, physic is okay 4 me but since I've started this tuition long ago, there's no point on stopping the classes.. besides, it helps alot) ..other subjects like biology, history and all ... I just need to read the books and do practices. I will (insya-Allah) gain 13 A1 ! please pray for me. I pray for that everyday, everytime after I perform the Solah.. I believe in the miracle of prayers... I believe, if you have faith, you'll gain whatever you want. Whatever you want. God will help me. But then, prayer is not enough, we have to struggle too.. and if you really want something from GOD, you have to perform all the duties as His slave obidiently. Not just asking this and that.. but doing nothing. That's unforgivenable.
The time's running out. Now I have less than 3 months b4 the exam. I really have to work hard. Hmm... my birthday is before the exam, I guess I can't celebrate it with much joy..huhu

Migraine?

I have a friend that suffers migraine. It get worse now.. when the exam is nearer.. poor her.. this week.. almost everyday she spend her time in the school's clinic (well, not actually clinic.. just beds.. and stuff) ... i dunno what to do..
My mom's friend who now is studying in Australia posted a migrastick for my mum.. it's a remedy for headache ( she knows my mum also has migrain problems) .. but then my mum doesn't like the smell of it (peppermint and lavender.. it's so refreshing.. i like it so much.. it smells like chewing gum) .. she hates everything mints! so she gave it to me.. I do have recurrent headache.. but not migraine.. just stress I think... so I always hand it in to my friend.. it isn't a cure.. just a reliever..
Oh.. i just hope I won't fall sick when it's time to take the exam...

After the Exam...

After the SPM, (the long breaks) my dad said he will teach me how to paint using water colour! hehe.. not the childish watercolour.. it's an expensive architect watercolour! I knew that my dad bought it long time ago.. he said he wants to give it to my brother who studies architecture.. but my bro didn't seems to use it.. so he said it will be mine since I'm the only one who like arts among his children other than my brother..

I'm sick

I don't feel very well this 2 days.. I feel sick. Headache..and aches all over my body especially my arms.. and my back..and pain in my stomach. Uh.. I feel like an old person! My eyes are tired,every so often..my neck is dislocated! (huhu.. j/k.. but I don't feel comfortable)
I submit a poem at devianart.. and I like it so much.
This friday I'll sleep over at school. There's a programme for us, peer counsellors.
And there'll be classes on saturday! huhu,, until 5 pm! so I'll only have sunday for break. It's okay.. there's no achievement without sacrifation.. eheh..
I hurted my friend at school.. and regret about it later.. she cried.. and I said sorry billions of time after that.. and then, within minutes, we talked again! huhu,, I'm relieved that she doesn't take it to heart deeply (or maybe but I don't know...). I said to her that I'm sorry,. it's becoz today I'm a bit crazy that I said something that hurted her. Yeah.. I'm a bit crazy today.. with all the aches all over my body.. and headaches,, who doesn;t goes crazy? (oh yeah,, in addition with chemistry lectures!)
I;ve to go..

Skip Tuition

Ar,.. I skipped my physic's tuition! I don't have any transport to go.. oohh..I'll be left behind! i don't want,.. I don't want!! huhuh

last night I watched a Korean Movies.. called 'Last Present'.. it's a very sad movie.. I cried! huhu. it's about a husband-wife life.. the husband did comedy for living.. his wife pretended to be mad and keep going scolding him, but secretly she loves his comedy so much.. its becoz she;s dying with cancer and don't want her husband to know.. and at last she died.. while watching his husband on stage.. it's such a good movie,, I wish I could make a movie like that in the future..

Lonely

My parents took a flight to Kelantan (a north state in malaysia). Today's a real 'urggg' day for me. Tomorrow I'll have that physic tuition.. dunno how to go... arr. I've stomach ache..
jong jong jong.. I'm so bored and lonely

durians and stuffs..

It took me the whole day to clean up my room yesterday.. Now it's clean and clear! haha.. Well, yesterday I rearranged all my collection of books..(put all the novels away from my study) .. I vacuumed my room and all.. hah.. what a relief! I can study with peace from now on.. I've pasted new motivational poster made by myself.. and I've forbid my sisters from coming into my room ever again (well, except my room-mate sis of course).

Ah.. guess what? my mum bought DURIANS! urgh,, it's not that I don't like it.. I just can't stand it's smells! made my headache worse.. btw, I came home late today becoz I had a Chemistry tuition.. I really wanna work hard! pray for me!

I don't wanna care about anyone anymore! hmm.. so-called-friends..maybe I'm just paranoid.. or too sensitive. I don't want to care.. but I found that I care too much.. think too much.. and it's hard but I've to admit that I care ..care very much! they all r the one who doesn't care.. I don't wanna give a damn... but I did.. urgh,.. confusing

Alone in the Rain

This is a poem I found at DeviantArt that I feel relate to..

-----
Standing out here alone in the rain
Trying to wash away all of my pain
Drowning the sorrows from past years
Hiding from my nightmares and fears

The rain just gets harder and faster
I miss the good times and the laughter
I hide from it out here in the wet and cold
And I suffer from the things I've been told

The rain follows where tears once went
The rain like the pain shows no repent
I suffer for everything I am deep inside
And I remember the tears I once cried

I look around and see puddles of rain
Getting deeper and deeper like the pain
The puddles that used to be puddles of tears
The feelings and thoughts from all my fears

I can't explain to you the way I feel
And maybe by standing here I'll heal
It'll somehow wash away some of the pain
And I'll just stand here alone in the rain.
------

hmm.. we are always hoping that by crying, all the pains will wash away.. it did not, it's like pain killer.. after it wear off, you'll feel it again..
oh.. I have hidden wish that I could stand alone in the rain too..close my eyes while let the rain pouring down my face.. the feeling, is unexplainable..

oh.. I watched The Day after Tomorrow again today.. it's a good movie.. and scary. You can see people's desperation to be safe.. the scene where american were so desperate that they cross mexico's line illegally almost made me cry.. I dunno why tho.. it's not sad or nething but I feel like crying..

I spend most of the morning and evening on the computer (I have tuition class in the afternoon..but the computer was stayed on because I was downloading stuffs) ... tomorrow I'll try to persuade myself to study! oh b4 that, I'll have to clean up my room.. and got to wash my school's bag.It's so dirty (becoz I put it on the floor at school.. I hate to sit in a chair with bag on it too). Then.. I'll study! well.. have to finish my english's essays first (2 of them)..oh..lots to do!

The end of school comes nearer.. people started to ask me about my ambition.. what I want to study.. hish,, I really have no idea.. I prefer to study arts.. but,,, my parents discourage.. can't even be an architect.. it's not that they object strictly.. they said if I really want.. go on.. but I don't feel easy if they don;t like it.. so..I'm thinking ..medic..or computer engineering..or anything!! but,, I really want to go to england.. I won't care what major I'm in as long as it's in England. Oh.. one thing.. I really really don't want to study anything related to Chemistry.. I just couldn't like it.. Hmm.. If not england.. maybe Germany.. I can meet my penpal, Manja there! it'll be such a pleasant experience!

Hmm.. when can I feel easy.. or at least easier than now?